This past week has been plagued with illness and ridiculous defiance in the face of truth, and that was just my house. You may remember me talking about my oldest son who has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Anxiety, Aggressive Mood Disorder and is Gifted. He has what is routinely described as asynchronous development and is twice exceptional. You can read about those terms here and here. For the past two years my daughter’s behavior has deteriorated at a rapid rate and while I knew she is Gifted with asynchronous development, we thought otherwise she was a neurotypical girl, so did the doctors. Yet, I know that has now changed and our daily interactions just bring it to the forefront. Now I am in a household with two people struggling as I struggle to learn how to help them. Soon she will be going for a round of new evaluations but until there are not only answers but solutions to try, there is just this space filled with strife. It is debilitating to live in this constant, daily strife and I often fill angry at the turn of events. I also feel so guilty about these feelings, but after 6 years of dealing with my oldest son, I know that feeling the guilt is normal and you have to learn to acknowledge and move past it. My son has come a long way with the help of a lot of professionals, and it seems as he gained more control, my daughter lost more control. He still has a long way to go and now I am having to start over again with her. I feel beat up, beat down and despondent many days. I don’t want to engage, I don’t want to face another day where people I love are constantly using me as a whipping post. Knowing that they don’t mean it, don’t do it on purpose, and barely are aware of their wrongdoing doesn’t always help me cope. So I have to learn to help them, myself, and other people to understand the struggle that doesn’t look like struggle at all. We look like the typical family, they look like every other kid many would call normal or fine. But they aren’t. Daily they struggle with the world around them, the world in their head, the expectations of everyone they meet. They can’t always keep instructions straight, things they do daily are often forgotten from one moment and day to the next. They are literal, and truthful, and hurting, and scared, and smart, and funny, and loving, and caring. They are multi-faceted like me and you but most people can’t see past the differences in them to embrace them. I am praying to be strengthened moment by moment to help them bridge the gap, to raise awareness, to be a good example. But let me tell you, I am not always a good example, I lose my cool, I yell, I use bad words and I walk away and cry over the reality of my existence. I scream at the unfairness, I rail against the pain of waking up every day to do the same things, I worry if they will always need me as they think they do, sometimes I want to give up and I voice it out loud. Yet, I get up every day to do it, to find another study, doctor, therapist, school, book, video, and tool to further their growth and development without killing the things that make them unique and extremely special. I am tired, I am weary, I get up anyhow. They look to me for everything and while it is draining, it is also a bit amazing. The amazingly beautiful things they accomplish keep me going and are a part of why I can Get Up Anyhow.
I have found this book by Tony Atwood to be helpful with High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. Most have heard of the groundbreaking work of Temple Grandin and this book is one we have in rotation at home. I have heard wonderful things about this book for Gifted/2E children and it is on my wish list. This book about emotions in Gifted/2E children is also on my wish list, as it describes my daughter well. Maybe you have found other books or sites helpful, feel encouraged to share them in the comments.