Category: autism

Autism at Our House

Once again, it is April and we find ourselves in Autism Awareness Month. I have written about it previously and why I am on board with Autism Acceptance and not (just) Awareness. You can read about my thoughts here. This year, I am going to show you two views of autism at our house.

Sometimes it is BAD

Picture of five people walking in a desert with the words "This is Bad" written across it.
Picture of five people walking in a desert with the words “This is Bad” written across it.

Recently my son decided he did not want to go to his expected appointment. I decided that he was capable of doing so, therefore he would go. It didn’t end well for either of us. A bit of backstory, he works better when he has advance notice of places to be or things he has to do. Even with knowing in advance, he needs constant repetition for it not to feel overwhelming to him.

Fast forward to the day of his appointment. He knew of this appointment, it is recurring as a matter of fact. I had done my due diligence in reminding him often, the last being just an hour before. Once the time came to go, he felt bad and refused to leave. I assured him that he could talk to the professional and assess whether he could complete the appointment. This was a strategy we had come up with the last time this happened. He continued to insist that this time, that was not going to work and he didn’t care what I said, he wasn’t going.

Now, a lot of my parenting is spent keeping my inner 10-year old from coming out to eviscerate anyone it feels is out to get me. This often means my kids. They are not really out to get me, but the push back sounds like it to my inner kid. Keepiing that inner kid quiet looks like me speaking in calm, quiet tones. Not engaging when I am told how much I’m mean and hated. Walking away whenever the verbal attacks feel like too much or morphe into physical attacks. Most of the time it works and we can all reset and address the problem.

It gets WORSE

Picture of red flames on a black background, the words "Then it was Worse" written across it.
Pictue of red flames on a black background, the words “Then it was Worse” written across it.

That didn’t work this time. It failed spectacularly, with fireworks and club music as accompanying background. I started off well. I repeated what he should do, what was expected, how we could compromise and he still refused to budge. His refusal went so far as to have him falling on the floor in abject horror at the very idea. I realized I was not going to get him to move and had to accept it. Next was to move on and make sure I followed through with the expected consequences.

When I tried to walk away, he decided that was not acceptable. He then locked his body around my feet and legs in an effort to ensure I did not walk away. This was the beginning of the end. No matter the calm I had been able to foster up until this point, I now lost all of it. I ended up in fight to keep myself safe from my own son. I was heartbroken and wrong and devastated at what I saw as my failure to be able to handle anything.

But being able to handle everything is not the mark of a good parent, it isn’t the mark of a bad one either, frankly, it is just a lie we have told ourselves. Where does it say we are supposed to handle every situation with grace and aplomb? Nowhere I have found. I spend a lot of time with my son, schooling him, transporting him to appointments, and everything in between. Somehow, I still fall into the myth that I am in control of him. Well, I am not. I can not control him, just as I can not control any other person. At the end of hours of back and forth, I felt defeated and torn apart by the actions and words we had inflicted on one another. I wanted to give up, and I probably did for a few hours at the end there.

Other times, it is awe-inspiring

Picture of a field of white and blue wildflowers, the word "Awed" is written over it.
Phot of a field of white and blue wildflowers, the word “Awed” is written over it.

My son has a keen and quick mind. It is often used in myriad efforts designed to make his life easier. Unfortunately his idea of easy, is really just him cutting corners and trying to get the most with the least effort. This sounds like a terrible thing, and in some cases it is just delaying the inevitable. Sometimes though, he comes up with great ideas that work well, especially for him.

There was the time he made grilled cheese by toasting bread, buttering it, then melting cheese between the slices in the microwave. All because he didn’t want to clean up a pan, nor wait for it to heat up. I may not want to eat this type of grilled cheese, but he loves it, can do it himself, and doesn’t leave a mess I have to beg him to clean up later.

There was the time I realized he saw adding three digit numbers and multiplying as patterns he broke down in his head to get the right answers. I would require him to show his work as he started working multi-step problems. My son would balk at the very idea of writing any more than he absolutely had to in order to get the answer. Often, in his mind, this meant he only wrote down an answer. I finally stopped complaining and cajoling and asked him how he got the answer.

Then he explained himself and my mouth dropped open, I had to ask him to slow down and repeat himself. The answer was a complicated, to me, series of patterns that he saw clearly and used to come to the answer. I have taken several higher level math courses and had never thought in the ways he did. Some of his ways were better for understanding what was going on anyway. And that should be the outcome of education. We should understand so that we can then apply it and answer problems. We should not be memorizing facts that last for a year or shorter with no way to translate it to the next step.

Nothing is dull

As in many areas of our lives, life with him is good and bad, up and down. What it isn’t is a death sentence. It isn’t a sad thing. He struggles with some things, at others he excels beyond my imaginings. Life with him is not what I pictured when I found out I was pregnant. In many, many ways, it is so much harder and painful. Yet, when I stop focusing on the difficult, negative things, I see the great beauty of viewing life the way he does. It is quirky, and funny, and wild. It is full of breath stopping hugs and kisses on your arm when you least expect it. He brings a dimension to our lives that only he can. And I know, God made him for just such a time as this.

I challenge you to accept, not only the autistic people in your life, but anyone different than yourself. Different isn’t bad, or wrong, or made to be hidden. Different is, just as the sun is. And you wouldn’t want to be without the sun, would you?

Look Out For Impulsivity in Mental Illness

It is hard to put yourself and your struggle out in the world. For me, when I write a post that is personal, it is in the hope that my current reality will reach and help someone. It is also cathartic. So, in that vein, this post is about the struggle of impulsivity on our family.

Impulsivity is associated with a number of diagnoses, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and anxiety, all of which my son has. It is like a perfect storm of impulsivity in his little body. Impulsivity is characterized as acting on a whim, with little to no forethought, or consideration of the consequences. Now imagine that you have what I like to term as an overdeveloped emotional quotient. I envision this as being heavily influenced by the constant ebb and flow of other people’s emotions and your own. For example, your friend is having a day where they really need space, some down time and don’t really want to hang out or talk. You can’t understand this temporary change of normal interaction you have with your friend. This leads you to be upset, to question whether or not this friend likes you anymore, to dissect their interaction with everyone else and casting yourself in a bad light. Since this is happening in your head, you can’t focus on your work, or your other friends, and you become angry and unable to exhibit expected or required reactions to anything else. Your entire emotional health has been upended by a perceived emotion of this friend. So, you have been influenced by your friend’s emotions and your emotions have become explosive as a result. Think of it as not only being sad by someone else’s misfortune, but devastated and you feel out of control and unable to think through the consequences of your choices. Now imagine you are a prepubescent child with this added struggle. Do you see the recipe for constant upheaval? I do, but recently I realized that this overdeveloped emotional quotient can enhance the impulsivity towards the negative.

Often, the inability to control impulses is characterized by lying in our house. The unknown consequence of truth-telling when you know it confesses wrong doing is debilitating and therefore you lie hoping no one catches it. This lying then becomes the idea that your family can’t possible love or like you because you can’t get it right. Every time you mess up even the smallest bit, your mind tells you that you are a terrible and unlovable person. This is when impulsivity may lead to harmful actions. But you don’t recognize that harmful acts mean you are physically injured.You act without thought that running into the street can lead to pain, you act without thinking that hitting yourself can be damaging, you can believe that not being around is better than being terrible. But you don’t realize that not being here is permanent. We must recognize that these thoughts and actions may be indicative of depression also. Depression is not only an immense sadness, it is sometimes the inability to process emotions and thoughts which leads to dangerous impulses. Many medications used to treat symptoms exhibited by those with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety may cause depression. You now have a diagnosis that increases lack of impulse control and are given medications that may lead to depression. Recently we had the misfortune of learning how destructive this intersection of impulsivity and depression can be. My son was incredibly upset by emotions of others at school, then struggled to make good decisions and choices, which then led to him impulsively exhibiting self harmful actions. Our response has been swift in hopes of helping him understand that even when you don’t want to harm yourself, taking actions that could lead to harm can easily turn into being harmed. That being harmed is permanent, that our lives aren’t movies or television where the hurt and damage isn’t real. He is constantly battling the emotional part of his brain trying to take over and he barely knows what that means.

I continue to learn that we have a long way to go to understand what mental illness can look like in children. There is a great need to research how we can help our children when mental illness is present with other illnesses of the brain. But, I still have to go figure out, with the professionals, how to treat this adolescent depression and keep my son safe. I fumble with the words to reassure him that emotions are a fact but our reaction to them is ever evolving and in our control. I try to help him understand that he can review his day and recognize where he might be influenced by negativity in someone else. This is a hard thing when awareness of others and self is still an emerging skill. But, he has always been a hard worker, so I am encouraged that he will put his tenacity to work here.

This Mental Health Awareness month, I hope that you are educated on how impulsivity and mental illness can coexist, that you can love and support someone who struggles with this, that you can see someone you love in here and seek help. I hope that we continue the conversation, the education, and the support so that no one is left to languish in the convergence of impulsivity and mental illness.

I Won’t Give Up

I wrote the following words earlier this week: As I listen to the discordant, high-pitched voice trample my love and concern, I dream of the day I don’t have to be my own champion. I wrote them in a fictional setting, but these sentiments follow me into my real life quit often. I thought I had gotten to a place where I wasn’t quite so invested in the behavior of my number one son. I tend to take it personally, though I know he has a number of medical diagnoses that exacerbate the severity of his behaviors, that the words he screams in anger don’t mean anything to him. Yet, I keep running to my room in tears, with my heart-broken and my body heavy with the weight of despair.

I have written in the past about my autistic son who also suffers with anxiety and oppositional defiance disorder. So, he has trouble with executive functioning skills, he has poor memory, he is terribly impulsive, and can’t stop talking to save his life. Also, like most children, he is the center of the universe and wants what he wants. Lately, he has become aggressive again. This time around he is bigger and stronger and louder. I leave rounds of aggression with him and am covered in bruises, and two minutes after he calms down enough to apologize he inevitably acts like there wasn’t a hurricane of emotional tantrum with him at the center. Right this moment, for the second time today, he is screaming about how hurt he is, how much we hate him, how we don’t listen to him, how it is basically our fault as his parents that he is screaming and kicking walls loud enough for the neighbors to be concerned. He is harming himself and breaking our hearts and I don’t know what more to do for him. Have you ever wanted to give up? I WANT TO GIVE UP, I WANT TO GIVE UP, I WANT TO GIVE UP! But I don’t. I DON’T give up. Every day I get up and do it all over again, because he is my child and I love him. But, I am not going softly into the abyss. I continue to work at getting him the best medical care and therapy I can. I am just really afraid that one day soon, the decision on how to care for him will be taken from me and my husband.

Does he understand what he is doing and uses the extreme behavior as a way to escape the things he doesn’t like and doesn’t want to do? Does he really not remember, or understand how he is hurting himself, how he is hurting those around him? I feel I no longer know what is prepubescent boy and what is ASD, or Oppositional Defiance, or Anxiety. Hell, maybe it is some nice combination of it all. That is usually how this works, right? Hardly anything dealing with the mind and body is completely autonomous and I should know that. Only, it is hard to be dispassionate and calm in the face of such anger. I know that I want him to accept and respond to help for this latest crisis, I want him to not only realize his potential but reach it too.

I am scared. I am tired. I am hurt. I will pray and continue looking for a good therapist to add to the roster. I will get up every day and do it all again.

Lessons from Christmas in the Alphabet Soup

Now, if you have read any earlier posts, you know in our home we live with a number of medical diagnoses with numerous acronyms, i.e. an alphabet soup. So, when I use that term, it isn’t derogatory but gives you an idea of the jumbled mixture we have to navigate.

Every family I have ever talked to or read about who have children on the spectrum, with ADHD/ADD, anxiety, sensory processing, mood disorders, and any number of other things that make social events a delicate dance fraught with minefields we don’t even see. As such, holidays can be some of the worse times for these families. Holidays are days full of unstructured days looming before us where the schedule changes frequently and the number of people we are asked to interact with can grow exponentially and involve many we don’t know well. These kinds of things can be very stressful to the child or adult dealing with any social communication problem. This year, we had the kind of rough Christmas day we haven’t had since early in our adventure as parents to exceptional kids. And while I didn’t really learn these lessons fresh this year, it certainly reminded me that I must stay vigilant to all things that can make or break a day.

Lesson 1: Be aware of changes the day before you are scheduled to be somewhere. This year, number one son did not sleep well, he probably only got a couple of hours of sleep. He was excited for Christmas, but he also suffers with insomnia and seems to function fine with little rest. This can be common with kids on the spectrum, especially. But, no matter how well your child can function with little sleep, holidays with set expectations can ruin that. If I had kept the idea that little sleep with high expectations can be difficult, I could have built-in more ways to help him reset for the family get together and the sit down dinner. I also would have been more understanding and accepting in the moment.

Lesson 2: Stay alert to warning signs and phrases from your child. In our world, avoidance of tasks is normal. Yet, Christmas day saw a rise in avoidance on a day that is typically filled with interaction. His need for reassurance through tactile input (affectionate touch) was high even without a corresponding meltdown and activities that normally interest him brought little show of feeling. By just being annoyed at the constant avoidance and need to be touched while we are busy with other things, I missed realizing that he was in an emotional and mental crisis where he needed help. I didn’t help successfully because I was stuck in my own idea of the day.

Lesson 3: Which leads us here. Don’t be married to your idea of the ideal day. When you live with people who work twice as hard as most just to understand the social cues and become uncomfortable and often inconsolable when away from home, you have to become adept at making plans knowing that they might be scrapped or totally overhauled because someone is having a meltdown or is just unable to function well in public. Sometimes when the kids are doing well, I forget that I must be flexible in the extreme. I did that this year. Even as I watched him meltdown and lash out, I didn’t immediately recognize that he needed a bit of extra help. Even as I talked to him about having dinner with the family I was seething a bit on the inside at the idea that he was refusing to come to the table. Something he is always required to do and had done many times in the past, was almost impossible this day.

I had become complacent you see, I expected things to go well because they had been going well for a long time. Instead of taking each day as they come, I had plans I didn’t want to change, I wanted some commercial idea of a perfect day and I didn’t stop till it was almost too late. It was evening before I recognized that what I was seeing was his inability to control himself and crying for help in order to do that. He didn’t want to make everyone else uncomfortable or delay dinner or run away when he should stay. He needed help in grounding himself and coming up with ways and space and time to be comfortable with what was expected of him. It didn’t matter that he had done it countless times before, what mattered was how he was feeling at that time, on that day. More than anything, kids and adults who struggle with any or all of the aforementioned disorders need time. Time to think, time to process, time to be. We have to be willing to give that to them recognizing that even if we don’t have the same struggle we all have had a situation in which more time helps greatly. We can’t be quick to give it to those we deem neurotypical and not to those we deem neurodiverse.

Make it Autism Acceptance Month


My son was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder at 3 and the Month of April is celebrated as Autism Awareness Month here. There has been a push, that I have known about, for the last 2 years for more acceptance than awareness and a movement to stop leaving autistic voices out of the conversation of how to help those with ASD.

I remember the beginning of our journey as a time of intense confusion and feelings of inadequacy because many people told me nothing was different and strange or wrong about my son, but my Mama Gut was screaming he needed help that I didn’t know how to provide and I was desperate for help from the constant emotional and physical struggle of caring for him. When I got the diagnosis, I felt some relief, the relief many talk of. You know, now there is a ‘thing’, it isn’t all in my head and now I can go out there and find help for him.

There were many naysayers still in our lives who didn’t believe the doctors or me and insisted if I just – insert discipline or schedule here – we wouldn’t be having any trouble with him at all. It took even more time to educate those people as I educated myself and then to stop giving space to those voices as I learned they weren’t helping me and didn’t take my hard won education to heart anyway. I look back and know that I could have done many things differently, even those things I was assured were helpful and beneficial to a child on the spectrum. I pray that I haven’t done irreversible damage with misinformation and that when he understands or remembers, he will find it in his giving heart to forgive me my ignorance. 

These days, many people ask me what I did, how did I know, what helped, where to go, what to say, like I am the resident local mom on the subject. I am grateful they feel our  journey has spoken to them, but I am quick to remind them that every child is different, be wary of Applied Behavior Therapy and Autism Speaks. Remember your struggle is as valid as the next family’s and find someone you can talk freely with about the highs and lows of traversing this new road you find yourself on. Know that if your child is non-verbal it doesn’t mean they don’t hear you or have nothing to say. Remember if your child is verbose, it doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling with other things, don’t need your voice to help speak to the world. Know that you can read all the websites and books and still need to pray and look at your situation to make the best available choice and if that choice doesn’t seem to be working, SPEAK UP, and try something else. Listen to your own intuition and listen to your child. 

Today I can still see the loving heart that struggles in a world not always accepting of him. I can see the hard work he puts in to learn what most of the neurodiverse population expects when he is interacting with them. I also work hard to remind him that he is PERFECT AS IS. He thinks differently and that is beautiful and shows all of us another way to think about things. I let him know I see his work, his struggle, that though we butt heads over trivial and important things, I am always in his corner with love. I tell him how I don’t think his core needs to change, only that he needs to be aware the way you have to be aware of other cars and traffic laws on the road. I tell him, he can do this, he is worth it all. I ACCEPT him, as he is. Won’t you learn to accept those different than you too?

Way To Go, #1 Son

Working on crossing the midline of his brain while playing ball

My son works really hard to master simple things that come naturally to most of us. He doesn’t always get my epically wicked sarcasm or jokes or remember to do things we all do daily. His difficulties make him anxious and that anxiety makes him lash out physically in an attempt to control a world that often feels alien to him. Since we started this diagnostic path when he was 3, he has come a long way. Many people like to say that I and my husband have done such a great job, but that isn’t true. I may search for the therapists and doctors and school curriculum, but he does all the heavy lifting. I remember feeling unlike others as a child too, I mean exactly why was what they found fun so boring to me? I can only imagine this feeling is multiplied infinitely for him in trying to navigate a world that tells him he is too different, he must change, he is weird and strange and makes way too much noise for the other civilized people. Every time he gets up, he has to try and remember what he is supposed to do while his brain is thinking about a thousand other things, he has to find the right combination of shirt, shorts, and socks that not only do this strange thing his parents call ‘matching’ they must also not have any large seams or tags or just feel too itchy to wear. He then surrounds himself in items he has specially chosen that makes him feel strong and hidden simultaneously. The oversized jacket, shades and scarf effectively shield him from a world he barely understands. 

 He also has a huge heart that wants to be friends with everyone and never understands why someone he just met at the monkey bars doesn’t want to play with him or calls him “weird” and kicks him when he just wants to run around and have fun together. You may think this is an extreme example, I assure it just happened a few days ago, to my 9 year old who just wants us all to have free video games and play well together. He is scary intelligent and often solves problems by saying “there is no spoon” (See The Matrix for this reference). He shocks me often with his thoughts and ideas. I have always wanted him to reach his potential and be happy. I work tirelessly learning new techniques and therapies to help him learn what comes instinctively to most of us. It isn’t always fun, I often feel alone and beaten up and so far beyond my depth of understanding that I am doing more harm than good. But I get up everyday and try again, because I am giving him the best I possibly can, in the same way my family gave me all they could to improve and enhance my life.

He is in therapy 3 hours a week in order to help him meet your expectations in social situations and to improve his small motor skills, writing, and short term memory. I often watch him in therapy and prayerfully thank God for the ability to help him. Not all families have an easy time getting the help they need of their kids, not medically or emotionally. They can’t get insurance coverage or their area doesn’t have any supportive help available. Our hometown world is full of help, we have insurance coverage, and are surrounded by people who love him and support us. I pray that all who need help in whatever their journey is, they will still be able to get it as our government wrestles with the enormous responsibility of deciding who and how to help. No man gets ahead alone and may we all remember that. 

My son works hard at therapy, at school, even at play and maybe I need to remember the work he accomplishes in addition to many deserves to be recognized and rewarded. I love you son, just the way you are, keep being caring and weird because you just wouldn’t be as much fun if you were different!

Get Up Anyhow


This past week has been plagued with illness and ridiculous defiance in the face of truth, and that was just my house. You may remember me talking about my oldest son who has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Anxiety, Aggressive Mood Disorder and is Gifted. He has what is routinely described as asynchronous development and is twice exceptional. You can read about those terms here and here. For the past two years my daughter’s behavior has deteriorated at a rapid rate and while I knew she is Gifted with asynchronous development, we thought otherwise she was a neurotypical girl, so did the doctors. Yet, I know that has now changed and our daily interactions just bring it to the forefront. Now I am in a household with two people struggling as I struggle to learn how to help them. Soon she will be going for a round of new evaluations but until there are not only answers but solutions to try, there is just this space filled with strife. It is debilitating to live in this constant, daily strife and I often fill angry at the turn of events. I also feel so guilty about these feelings, but after 6 years of dealing with my oldest son, I know that feeling the guilt is normal and you have to learn to acknowledge and move past it. My son has come a long way with the help of a lot of professionals, and it seems as he gained more control, my daughter lost more control. He still has a long way to go and now I am having to start over again with her. I feel beat up, beat down and despondent many days. I don’t want to engage, I don’t want to face another day where people I love are constantly using me as a whipping post. Knowing that they don’t mean it, don’t do it on purpose, and barely are aware of their wrongdoing doesn’t always help me cope. So I have to learn to help them, myself, and other people to understand the struggle that doesn’t look like struggle at all. We look like the typical family, they look like every other kid many would call normal or fine. But they aren’t. Daily they struggle with the world around them, the world in their head, the expectations of everyone they meet. They can’t always keep instructions straight, things they do daily are often forgotten from one moment and day to the next. They are literal, and truthful, and hurting, and scared, and smart, and funny, and loving, and caring. They are multi-faceted like me and you but most people can’t see past the differences in them to embrace them. I am praying to be strengthened moment by moment to help them bridge the gap, to raise awareness, to be a good example. But let me tell you, I am not always a good example, I lose my cool, I yell, I use bad words and I walk away and cry over the reality of my existence. I scream at the unfairness, I rail against the pain of waking up every day to do the same things, I worry if they will always need me as they think they do, sometimes I want to give up and I voice it out loud. Yet, I get up every day to do it, to find another study, doctor, therapist, school, book, video, and tool to further their growth and development without killing the things that make them unique and extremely special. I am tired, I am weary, I get up anyhow. They look to me for everything and while it is draining, it is also a bit amazing. The amazingly beautiful things they accomplish keep me going and are a part of why I can Get Up Anyhow.

I have found this book by Tony Atwood to be helpful with High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. Most have heard of the groundbreaking work of Temple Grandin and this book is one we have in rotation at home. I have heard wonderful things about this book for Gifted/2E children and it is on my wish list. This book about emotions in Gifted/2E children is also on my wish list, as it describes my daughter well. Maybe you have found other books or sites helpful, feel encouraged to share them in the comments.

Trying to Say Yes to No

What just happened? I am sitting in a room breathing hard like I ran a marathon, my 8 year old is screaming in his room and I just wanted to finish our homeschool day. As agreed. We agreed, but he exploded when it was time to stop playing video games. I mean full Hulk green anger over having to stop playing the game and finishing his math, which is mostly review at this point and a subject he does well with.

Backstory you say, okay, no problem. My son, X, is autistic. He has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Yes, he is what many term high functioning, and would have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Disorder if the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual – Fifth Addition ( DSM-V) hadn’t done away with that diagnosis. He has been diagnosed since the age of 3 and has made many strides, yet there is more to do. He is behaviorally behind many of his peers and socially awkward in that he doesn’t always know what is an appropriate response. Many times changing tasks can be arduous. This is why why we discuss our schedule, time frames, and what is expected. This often works, often I say, not always. Today I gave the patented parent countdown to task change. You know, where you say, ‘Okay sweet child o’ mine, we will be starting math in 10 minutes. You should wrap up your game and prepare for school time.’ (Do you hear the sarcasm written here?) Sweet child acknowledges the information, you know after you stand there for eternity then ask him does he understand? Five minutes later, you give the same spiel, only now he has 5 minutes and he repeats acknowledgement.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

‘Alright sweetie, time to get started, you may leave that game on because we won’t be long.’

Immediately there is screaming, foot stomping and a lot of ‘this isn’t fair, you hate me, why can’t I just have a few more minutes to see this update, you don’t understand’ along  with actual tears and spittle flying! I was proud of myself, I was calm through much of this, I repeated the request, I pointed out the feelings on his stress scale, I reminded him of his acknowledgement of the agreement, I was hitting all the buzz words used to help alleviate the stress of these situations and get the desired outcome. And then, I wasn’t. I was yelled at one too many times, I was given aggressive body language and hateful words and my heart broke, again, and I needed time to pick it up and put it back together before I could go on. X was sent to his room to calm down, Mommy was sent to her room to cry and put herself back together. She needed to remind her heart that her son loves her, has made vast improvement, doesn’t know how to express his frustration, and really feels strongly about changes. In this case, a video game was updating, that meant things were changing, by leaving before he could see these updates, he felt adrift in a sea of the unknown. You may feel adrift when you are at a party where you only know the host, X feels adrift when he has to leave things undone or unknown. He thinks that isn’t right. I think it isn’t always a big deal. Somehow we have to meet in the middle, we don’t always do it gracefully. Today, he had a hard time being okay with a no, you may not do that right now. Today, X could not say Yes to No.

How do you or your kids if you have any, handle saying Yes to No?