Well meaning people often ask, “How are you?” Sometimes this question comes from acquaintances you may see only occasionally and at other times it comes from friends and family. Most socially acceptable rules will tell you that you should just say “Well” or “Fine” and then ask the questioner the same. Well, I, as an Autism Mom often have an internal discussion on whether or not I am going to be truthful and if I am, exactly how truthful will I be? See, contrary to popular belief there are degrees of truthfulness. Casual acquaintances usually get the socially acceptable answer from me and I get the same from those who include me in their ‘acquaintance’ list. But for those closer to me, whom I feel may actually want an honest answer, I spend seconds scrolling through my mental rolodex (that’s an old-fashioned contacts list for those of the internet age) so that I can answer this question. Why is this so hard for me and many other Autism Moms? Read on.
It is hard because I am constantly exhausted! I don’t mean the kind of exhausted you get where a good nap or extra sleep time will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to tackle that Mt. Washmore or Filemore waiting for you. I mean exhausted in mind, body, and soul. NO amount of sleep is ever enough. I am always on, always on high alert for the next fire to erupt, to try and read the small nuance that says today is going to be especially tough. Always defending, always explaining, always learning and discarding in an effort to give your child the best possible advantage. Most parents want the same, they want to give the best possible advantage to their children so that they can be happy and successful. The difference when your child has a disability or other challenges that set them apart from society’s idea of the norm, is a gaping gorge as large as the Grand Canyon. You can see where you want to go, but the road is winding, going up and down and around 100 year old trees, rock formations, and streams. It curves back on itself, there are wild animals at every turn looking to see if you might make a good meal, and every 2 steps, your travel companions has to stop and see the varying reds apparent on the rock to their left.
I recently read an article that so accurately described the kind of stress induced exhaustion I live with that I wanted to share it with everyone. Back in 2009, Michelle Diament wrote an article on the site disabilityscoop.com entitled Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers. (Go ahead and click it to read for yourself) This article is based on research where a group of Autism Moms were followed, interviewed, and had their hormone levels tested. What they found was “that a hormone related to stress was extremely low”. In a nutshell, these Autism Moms experienced so much constant stress that the ‘stress hormone’ didn’t even react to the daily stressors of their lives! And according to Ms. Diament’s article, the researchers reported that this phenomenon is “consistent with people experiencing constant stress such as soldiers in combat”! Now when I think of soldiers, especially those in combat situations and hostile countries, I readily view that as dangerous and stressful. I think to myself, I am so blessed to not have to be in such a situation and equally as blessed that their are women and men willing and able to bear under constant barrage to ensure the life I lead here in the USA. You know what I never thought of…myself or any of the many Autism Moms/Caregivers who are all just trying to get their kids of the finish line like every other parent!
This month we are promoting Autism Acceptance. Many in the Autism community are invested in making sure you know that Autism is not a death sentence, it doesn’t mean a person has nothing to say, or any worth in your community. It is not a disease to be cured, it is a people to accept and learn and love, the same way you do with everyone else in our sphere of influence. And if you have an Autism Mom in your life, remember they are under a type of duress most don’t have to face and they do it daily, so if you have it to give, share an extra bit of love and kindness. It goes a long way to counteract that stressful exhaustion.
