Month in Review-February ’19

Here we are, at the end of another month. So that means it is time to check in and see how it went. Read on for a glimpse at my February 2019 Month in Review.

Image by Sophieja23 on Pixabay

This little spot here:

I feel good about my blogging efforts this month. This will be my second post for the month, which means I hit my goal. I made a goal for my career that included posting two blog posts each month. I felt this was something I could handle as I got back to doing what I love.

Now, I often feel like I should be doing more, but I am working hard to stifle my need to compare. Comparison to another person often leads to disappointment. No one likes disappointment, so why set yourself up for failure. I had let my blog go dark for way too long. I was a bit depressed, but not writing did not help me. Looking back, I totally should have been writing anyway, it may have gotten me out on the other side a little sooner. I want to see what my readers want more of, so make sure you leave a comment to tell me just that.

Image by freephotocc on Pixabay

Being a Wordsmith:

I don’t feel quite as good as I want to about this item. I have stopped going forward with my latest story, Camille, because I got stuck in the wheres and hows needed to move the story forward. In response to this, I have been on a month long journey to learn more about planning and plotting novels.

My idea was that I could plan, more fully, what I wanted to say in the book, then re-plot my original idea into a complete story. The re-plot would be a more detailed road map of where I was going and how I might get there. I still think this is a grand idea, unfortunately anxiety indecision has struck. Deciding on a plan has been hard. I just keep finding more and more websites and videos on how to do it.

There has also been no starting the re-plot because I can’t seem to land on a plotting scheme that fits. I am doing the same as with the planning. My anxiety often rears its head in my thoughts as I can’t get it right, because I don’t have enough information. I make copious notes on what I need to do, without doing much else. I endeavor to break this cycle next month.

On the other hand, some positive movement is happening with my finished manuscript. It is titled Life in Time, but I am pretty sure it won’t stick! Anyway, I have been researching developmental edits. In this type of edit the editor will look at your story, making sure it is a fully realized story, the characters are well rounded, the pace is good, etc. So, I have movement on that and a plan. It makes me happy.

Image by CharuTyagi on Pixabay

Daily Efforts:

My habit tracker is looking good, mostly filled in. I hurt my leg late last month, so my goals for walking have been left in the dust. Hardly any walking was done this month. I also realized through my habit tracking, that I need a better cleaning system/schedule. I am leaving a lot of cleaning on the table, so to speak, as I go through my days. So, next month I “plan” to have a better plan. Hah!

Now, as far as journaling is concerned, nope! I really didn’t do well here. Very little mention of gratitude, very few entries as to my days. I don’t really know why this happened. Journaling and seeking daily gratitude are goals in my emotion category. I feel it not only helps me process my feelings, but I often look back on it and realize things weren’t half as bad as I thought.

What’s the March Plan?

This is a great question for the end of the month. Looking back to see what worked for you and what didn’t. Then you can tweak your plans and goals to get the results you desire.

I believe, my blogging goals are okay, for now. I am working on consistency first. Writing needs some work. I must buckle down and stop the endless educational loop I’m in. If I need to go back and revisit something, I will. But, I’m hoping to spend more time plotting in order to get back to the story. With habits and journaling, I am committing more time to actually journaling. Or at least, jot down a one sentence gratitude. These things make me feel better, more aware, and show me the positive when I have forgotten. I also plan to work on that cleaning schedule and get to work. Next month, I need to have a better report in that area.

Alright, I’ve shared my wobbly month, how about you? Did you make goals at the beginning of the month? Did you meet them, some of them? Let me know. And don’t forget to let me know what kinds of things you like to read about here.

Happily waiting,

Janshea

4 Ideas to Spark Your Creativity

Hello to all my creatives, this post is for you. I mostly write and am working on a new novel. This is slow going, because I am still working on how to structure a story and keep it going till the end. It is much harder than it sounds, but all writers are constantly getting better… what we like to call ‘perfecting our craft’. I imagine many creatives have a similar stance. So, today, I want to talk about a few ways I like to spark, or even reignite, my creativity.

  1. Change of scenery. I work at a desk in my home office and by office, I mean the corner I keep my computer and desk in. Because of have young kids, this doesn’t always lend itself to productive actions. It also means a lot of my writing gets done in the evening, especially during the summer. When I really need to keep going with the story, I like to grab my laptop and try the park or even the ubiquitous coffee shop. Some like it for the people watching, that they then use in their writings. But mostly, I use it as an opportunity to zone out to the sound of my keys and the voice of the story. 
  2. Change of story. This might sound counter to what you are trying to accomplish at that time. Yet, often putting down your current project to start or continue another, gives your brain a chance to stretch in a different way. Then when you come back to the current work, your words may flow a bit better. As a writer, my brain is often thinking about characters in the background, so leaving and returning often has given my brain time to work on any problems without me being totally present. It is like when you get those flashes of insight and great ideas when you are in the shower. Mostly, that’s because you are not laser focused on the problem and have moved on. So, then your brain can work out the sticking points.
  3. Change of background. This one sounds weird and really similar to changing your scenery. But I use it in a different manner. Background for me is often the sounds of a home with kids arguing, televisions going, and interruptions even though I am supposed to be in a ‘no talk to Mommy’ zone. Some people write with music and have whole play lists devoted to their book. Or they just use it as white noise so they can focus. If you usually work to background noise, maybe try working in a place where there is no noise. Maybe you will hear that character who couldn’t get through your background. If you normally work in a  mostly quiet environment, you can try music, or the television on a channel that doesn’t distract you but, can focus you. You don’t have to have a work in progress (WIP) play list, you could just put on a music genre you enjoy. The different stimuli may spark a new idea or direction, or just focus the one you are on.
  4. Put it down and pick up a book. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the story we are trying to create for the page that when we get stuck, we feel like we can’t stop. We have a goal and are adamant about reaching it. Yet, that isn’t always realistic, so when all else fails me, I pick up a book. Most writers I know love to read, and they don’t just read the types of books they write. Going off into a new world provided by a book just gives me a respite from the work of writing.

Now, these four ideas are certainly not unique and you may have heard of one or all, but I hope you got some new ideas about how you can avoid the occasional burn out of perfection. These are mostly ideas for writers, but I can see where others could adapt the ideas for their own use. Let me know what types of things you use to spark your creativity and keep it alive. I look forward to hearing from you.

Tips From A Writer’s Conference

So, I was privileged to attend a local writer’s conference. There were a number of workshops available for the writer on a range of topics from pen names to using firearms in stories. I attended four workshops that gave me some good ideas that I plan to incorporate into my burgeoning habit of daily writing. You might get something from these too, so I am sharing.

Many writers practice the craft under a pen name. There are many reasons and instances where a pen name might be used. You might work in an environment that can not be associated with your stories, or you write more than one genre and want them to be separated, or you are so afraid of the microscope under which writers find themselves you don’t want to use your real name. Whatever the case, in trying to find the perfect pen name there are a couple of things you should consider. First, Google the prospective name before committing to it. Finding out your pen name also belongs to a convicted killer after you have been published is quite the let down. So, run your moniker through the Google machine to ensure it doesn’t belong to a killer, or another well-known author. Another thought would be to consider the logistics of the name. In this age, your name must not only fit well on a traditional book cover but also be viewable on the thumbnails associated with e-books and internet marketing. Now, if you are really prolific, you might have more than one pen name under which you produce work. Keeping the two or more personas separate are important. You should endeavor to give each name equal time in your writing and marketing. Schedules would be life savers in this instance. They would also be a great help in keeping which voice you are writing in and where you are sharing content. In sharing content across social media platforms, remember that each name should have a presence and each should share relevant content on a regular basis.

Another concern that goes along with the idea of marketing yourself on social media is the branding of yourself. It sounds conceited, almost. Many struggle with the idea of tooting your own horn, so to speak, but there will be no success without people to read your work! When branding yourself, remember that a brand evokes an emotional response when you see the name or picture. You want people to see your name and think, “I remember them from that article, I think I will check out their book!” Cool, right. We all dream of our words reaching the masses. To help in this, make sure you have a website or blog where you can provide value in your area of interest. Maybe you want to bring awareness to a specific issue, or educate about a situation. With a blog you can write about your interests and share it to provide value to the reader. (A bit like I am doing here, well, a lot like I am doing here) With a blog, you can use it as a gateway to your social media presence. When using multiple social platforms, you will reach different people who then visit your site and learn more about you. You also get to interact with readers and virtually meet people interested in what you have to say. If you have an opt-in for visitors, you can offer exclusive content through newsletters that enhances their experience with you.

Plots are huge, sometimes bulky items. Every story needs one and as such, the workshop on plotting your story was heavily attended. Lots of us want to work on improving our process and stories. If you are a writer who has been around other writers, or spent a lot of time reading writing blogs, you have heard about the typical three types of writing processes. They are the Pantser, the Plotter, and the Plantser. Pantsers are those of us who have an idea but often no idea how of how it will play out in the book. Often you hear pantsers listen to the voices of their characters and let them lead. Some will tell you this is not a process at all, but anything you do in order to get your story written is a process. Pantsers have ideas, usually a summary of the book and spend time perfecting plot points in their revision. Many plotters have a very defined process and often start months in advance of actual writing to envision the story fully. They know the beginning, middle, and end of their story arcs and have copious information on the world their characters inhabit. I have always dreamed of elaborate flow charts of how people are connected with each other, the main plot with its subplots. I feel they must look so awesome and feel very safe. Too bad I haven’t gotten the hang of that just yet.  This often leads to the hybrid process of the Plantser. These writers do a bit of plotting, but only a few chapters or scenes at a time that go with their story while also being flexible to the voice of the characters leading the story in different directions. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is only one right way to write. There are as many processes and routines as there are authors, and as long as you write, then the process works for you. When talking about plot, it is good to figure out who is driving the story (character), what story will be told about them, and what is going to shake them up and move the story along. You want to give a hand at a set up which helps define your character even if you don’t use every single item of information. Knowing their life story, background, who will come against them and what the journey will be in the story is very helpful in getting started. Then you have the reaction, where your character has to react to the events that prompt the journey . Here the action, obstacles, and stakes increase for the character. You show more of the conflict that has arisen. Don’t forget the attack, where the fight for the completion of the journey takes place. The character is in danger of losing something, not finishing a task. Something major comes to a head and there is a crossroads for the character to step up or lose out. Get into the head of your character, treat them like you treat your closest friend. Think of all the things you know about this friend, their lives, their dreams. Now transfer this same knowledge to your character so that you know what they will do in a situation and can share that in your writing.

The last workshop I attended that day was on productive planning. All about how to make sure you plan for your writing and can fit it in to your life, because most of us are not able to write full-time just yet. But, I am sure those who do need to plan their days as well. We don’t write in a vacuum after all. In figuring out a planning strategy for yourself, you must remember that it is okay to get it wrong. Your first try may not work well for you or as you might have envisioned it. Just try again, it is worth it if it can help you complete the important items of your life. You want to start by assigning importance to your tasks for the day. An easy way to understand what this means, is to use the Eisenhower Matrix which assigns numbers to your to-do list. There are important but not urgent items, important and urgent ones, not important and not urgent items, and finally, not important but urgent. Then you prioritize with important and urgent items done first, not important but urgent items are delegated, not important and not urgent items are severely limited and you spend the bulk of your time on the important but not urgent things. For many writers, our writing falls under that last one where you spend the bulk of your time. Then you can try out different planning systems to help you keep all of that in check and allows you to make a plan for each day based on those important tasks. There are a lot of systems designed to keep us all, not just writers, organized, on task, and completing work. There are journals and visual boards, there are ways to break up large tasks into smaller steps and goals to complete. Maybe you check off everyday on your calendar when you do a certain thing, or sit down every morning and write things out. These things help us get the massive amount of stuff in our heads, out and that helps us figure out what is important and urgent. People use analog systems (pen and paper) in the form of planners and journals, or they like the digital world and use one of the many productivity software and apps. Maybe a mix of the two works best for you. Either way, figuring out what you need to do, then planning time to do it helps keep your productivity not only high, but focused on the important things.

As I said, these ideas are not mine, I learned these nuggets of wisdom from the many writers speaking at the conference. They included Kiernan Kelly, Vivi Barnes, Christina Farley, Lucienne Diver, Amy Christine Parker, Racquel Henry, Erik Deckers, and Leslie Salas. Go check them out, you might find a great read for yourself.

Are you currently using any of these ideas? Maybe you have an entirely different way of doing things. Share them with me and I will be sure to update on if I incorporated any of these and how they worked for me. Let’s see if we can’t all be better writers.

NaNoWriMo17 – The Good and The Bad

So, I have been gone for an entire month. I had high hopes of providing content and working on my 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month. As you can see, that didn’t happen. I found it too much to write for the blog and write this book I started for NaNoWriMo. I hope you enjoy this recap and I will see you next week.

Because I am mostly an optimist, let’s start with The Good.

  • I finished and reached my goal of 50,000 words. I won NaNoWriMo17!
  • I wrote the beginnings of three books.
  • The original story for this year was finished.

So, now The Bad

  • I wrote three different stories?
  • I did not write every day.
  • I didn’t connect with other writers as much as I would have liked.

Now that is over, I am just glad The Bad list wasn’t longer than The Good List! I was thinking of how terrible I felt the month went, as far as writing, so that was not a given. I started the month with a loosely developed plan that relied mostly on me writing by the seat of my pants. There is a name for this. It is referred to as Pantsing. I thought this was a good plan, and it was in some aspects. It just wasn’t enough to really be able to flesh out the story I wanted to write. Or I have the wrong idea about what I was trying to write. Fleshing out my plan for the story, how it would look, flow, and sound, would have probably fixed the first item on The Bad list. Combatting the second item on that list really takes me scheduling a writing time and sticking to it. I think I will just fit in the writing and it never seems to work well for very long. Many more experienced writers have talked about having a writing time scheduled and treating it like the time you block out for picking up the kids, or going to the gym. In other words, treat that scheduled time as important and not as something you can move around and ignore. Some writers use productivity apps to give them a visual reminder of what they want to accomplish and what they have accomplished. I find that doesn’t help me much because I feel like the set up takes way too much time. I am probably just being lazy. As for the last item on The Bad list, there was nothing I could do in preparation for this one. I of course planned to be involved in write-ins around town but life just conspired against me. Yes, I know life isn’t actually conspiring, but the phrase has a very nice ring to it. The month was just filled with personal fires that had to be extinguished and kept me from attending as many events as I would have like.

Frankly, I had an extremely hard time finishing this year. The story felt disjointed and like I never really knew what I was writing. I find that being able to write in the company of others, really helps to keep you going and inspire you too. I wouldn’t want to spend all my time writing with others, I am sure that I would find that tedious. But it does act as a refresher for your writer’s soul when you can write collectively. If I work on remedying items from The Bad list, I wouldn’t feel so sad about winning. I feel false about it. Yet, I do understand that I shouldn’t. Even if I wrote 50,000 words that will never actually make it into a story, I wrote 50,000 words in 30 days. Part of NaNoWriMo really is fostering a habit of writing and committing you to writing. It is like a kick in the pants to finish that story you have been working on at night, on you lunch break, and at your kid’s soccer practice. The one you feel will never be finished, the one you have shoved into the back of your mind and a drawer in your closet.

So, I am going to stop crying over spilled milk, as they say, and be content with what I did and endeavor to work on the stories until I feel they are finished. I am also going to write everyday in December too. There is no national event, but I want to work on writing daily by starting small. I didn’t make it in November, maybe I will in December. You all can keep me accountable.

 

Readying for NaNoWriMo

If you don’t have any idea what NaNoWriMo means, don’t fear, I will explain and you can read about my first involvement here. NaNoWriMo is an acronym for National Novel Writing Month. It is also a great website where you can be supported in your writing endeavors and share your dreams with other dreamers. At the NaNoWriMo site, you can sign up to participate in writing a novel in one month, track your writing progress, get support, and connect with writers online and in person. If you find yourself signing up, look me up and be my friend, I am JansheaAuthor there.

One of the biggest wins for me last year was discovering the rich bounty of writers in my area, and all the wonderful, supportive ways I could be involved with getting better at crafting stories. In the other months that I am not participating in NaNoWriMo, I can participate with local writers and online ones with the continuing writing camps held and months dedicated to polishing up your new masterpiece.

So, we are only in the month of September, why would I bring up NaNoWriMo now? Well, we have a bit over a month to decide what will be working on in November and many of us are still trying to figure that out. Some of us have pages of ideas and partially fleshed out stories, some of us write works for publishing year round and may know what is next on the schedule. Yet many of us could benefit from a little time to decide on a subject matter and start outlining a broad picture to work from. Now, I am not a huge outliner before writing, but in spending time crafting, I have found it a great help to have an overview of storyline, characters, setting, time, and possibly theme. It is much easier than you might suspect to forget the details when using names, dates, or familial connections. It brings the story to a screeching halt when writers get distinguishing details wrong during the course of a book. Readers are discerning, while the writer sometimes misses things from constantly reading the story. You can probably guess, I found this out the hard way in my own work.

As such, I am starting the thinking, deciding, and big picture work for this year’s NaNoWriMo. I found those little reminders and ‘atta girls’ doled out when participating, really felt good and helped with goal setting. Sometimes writers get lost in all the ideas and have a terrible time focusing. Occasionally I am even paralyzed to inaction from too many thoughts and poor focus. So, if you are like me, try starting now and set some small goals in preparation for the marathon of NaNoWriMo. If you are more put together as a writer than I am, feel free to share your skills in getting there! Either way, I hope you spread your wings with your writing this year. May you soar to a new level in  your writing.

I am starting with subject matter. I will spend the next week deciding exactly what subject I plan to tackle this November. What will you work on to prepare for NaNoWriMo? Let me know in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you.

Research: Four Areas of Importance for Writers

Many writers I have met have been writing for years. Whether it is in a journal, stories in school, or just stories for their own love of them, many have been crafting for a significant time. One of the challenges when you want to write for others, is all the pieces you need to put together to make your story enjoyable. This means a level of research needs to be done. Some things to think about include character history, language of the time, any historic actions that will impact your story, and naming of characters and places.

Character History

Don’t be fooled thinking you only have to know how your characters are connected and what they are doing during the arc of the book. For characters with depth, it is a good idea to know characteristics that might not even make it into the book. Consider these tips on character development from the book, Story Engineering: Mastering the 6 Core Competencies of Successful Writing by Larry Brooks. We want multidimensional characters that engage readers and keep them invested in our book. Mr. Brooks proposes there are three dimensions of character that should be explored and decided when composing your story.

  1. Surface Traits, Quirks, and Habits.
  2. Backstory and Inner Demons
  3. Action, Behavior, and Worldview

If you spend time knowing what these dimensions are for your characters, even if you don’t use every bit of the backstory or worldview, it will help write people that seem like the ones you encounter in the real world. This level of reality helps keep the reader engaged and can be researched with known facts about real people as a starting point.

Language of the Time

If you are writing a story set in a real place or in a historic and real era, one of the keys to a fluid story is making sure the language used isn’t too modern if set in the past, nor too old or dated if set in the present or future. Research on the language can include reading history books, books published during the era, or stories set in that era. A really good one, if your era isn’t too far in the past, is movies and plays from the time. These give a very immediate feel to speech and slang of a time. When writing a futuristic tale, the writer can take more liberties with language, even adding new words and meanings for their envisioned time. Many in the writing world will tell you that reading books set in the time of yours, or in the same genre, can be good ways to get into the feel of your own fictional story.

Historic Actions

If you are writing a fictional story based in a known era, there are a number of occurrences that could add to your story. Maybe you write about the era of World War I, or Regency England, or Colonial Africa. Many actions commence during such times and can be researched to use as a backdrop. Placing known events in your story helps people relate to it and its characters. When your story is set in the future, research into scientific themes can add a level of believability and build a bridge to your new world. Characters have the opportunity to be a part of these occurrences and even impact them, a la Forrest Gump. Interaction with historic figures, or plausible future happenings are a rich ground for compelling stories.

Naming Characters and Places

Here is an area where your imagination has a chance to make huge moves. Amazingly the amount of time placed in names of people, and places they interact in a novel can pay off in large dividends at the conclusion of the story. How many people have whole memories around names like Hannibal Lector, Harry Potter, or Frodo Baggins? I know I do and you could probably spend all day listing the people and places that have stayed with you long after the last page is read and the cover closed. There is a nifty website that generates names for a host of different occasions. The Fantasy Name Generator has a large selection of names that cover a multitude of people, places, and things. You can name armor, or restaurants. You can choose fantasy names, or real names, or even names from specific cultures. It is a great tool for a starting point or actual combinations when you have hit the naming wall. Try not to get too bogged down in a name everyone will like. Often, when the author loves a name and feels it works in the story, that is enough. We all know we can’t please all the readers all the time. Sometimes our stories are located in real places, so there is less worry. But, it is always beneficial to change actual business names, sometimes to even change where or what is located in a spot.

These are just four areas that I find essential to a writing project. Sometimes the research involved may be extensive and involve travel. But, if that isn’t in your budget, yet, use the internet. It is a fantastic tool filled with information just waiting for you to discover and use in your next acclaimed piece of fiction. So, get out there and create your masterpiece. Feel free to share any tips you have found that could help our readers.

Welcome

A warm welcome to my faithful readers of Alacrity, don’t worry, all posts are transferred here for your reading pleasure.  To all the new readers, soon to be faithful too, here for the first time, welcome! I look forward to communicating with you and learning from you as we interact through my writing updates and blog posts. Here at Janshea Bowens, I want to foster interaction on the writing process, the relationships that make our lives an adventure, and good reads from me throughout the year.

I have been drowned in family life since I last posted about the detective series featuring Cormoran Strike, and there have been exciting updates. The book series has been transformed into a television series on BBC One. HBO has picked up the series for the rest of us and I can’t wait to check it out. Actor Tom Burke plays the title character and has been getting rave reviews for his portrayal. Each book has its own small season, a bit in the vein of other cable series, and hopefully we won’t run out of shows before the next book hits the bookshelves.

While it has been a while since last I graced your devices, I hope you enjoy looking around the newly launched site and stick around for whatever comes next.

Stepping Out of My Own Way


Have you ever heard that saying, “If you feel like you might throw up from nerves at the thought of doing it, you are supposed to be doing it!”? Now, that might not actually be the saying but I got the gist of it in there. When you are asked to share your story, when you are starting a new job or business or in my case a book; if you feel like you might just die from nerves, fright, and a general inability to actually do the thing you are supposed to, then you are probably on the right track. Sometimes I find it hard to determine if those feelings are a move in the right direction and you are just nervous. Or is this feeling a red flag waving just trying to warn you of the biggest mistake of your life so far! How can you tell the difference? 

I don’t have a really good answer, what I can say is that I am often, as many of you are, the most critical of my self. The work/effort/put your own thing here, never seems to be good enough, but since deciding to write again, what I have found every time I put my words out there, is that someone says something genuinely wonderful about it. And instead of throwing away those words as not meshing with my view of myself, I embrace and cherish every one of them and use them to bolster my lagging self esteem and view of my own gifts. I have watched lovely friends reach out and grab their dreams with both hands and I felt left behind, floundering in a morass of my own making. By starting a blog, sharing my words, and putting pen to paper on novel thoughts, I started climbing out of that sticky muck and embracing more of my authentic self. I hope with every post I can enhance my understanding of my self, my motivation, and my voice. I may not be an award winning author yet, but every sentence I craft leads me closer to the best self of my life. I am lucky to have such honest people around, they tell me when it is good and when it needs help. Sometimes lots of help.

So with that in mind, I have stepped out with pounding heart to join National Novel Writing Month, better known as NaNoWriMo. It is a platform where you and thousands of other writers are encouraged to complete a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. Now, I let the idea that I couldn’t possibly get that done to keep me from trying in the past. Not this year, this year, I have signed up and when this post goes live, I am going to start on the days words. I may not complete a novel, but I know I am going to get better by being involved with other dedicated writers, by habitually writing daily, by asking questions, and listening to answers. I hope your November sees you venturing out to grab your dreams too.

Where Have You Been?

Well, I thank you for asking. It has been a blurry two months. August is always hazy as I relive the stillbirth of my son and try to eat my feelings away while the world goes on around me. Even with the outlet of this blog, I couldn’t find anything redeeming to post about, I didn’t figure my sadness was worthy of a post. Looking back, I should have known instead of being depressing, it might actually have been helpful for others and cathartic for me. Writing is often helpful in that way. But instead, I took my time with my feelings and memories. I have learned that taking this time to honor whatever I am feeling is very important. We are often taught to suppress our feelings because they can be unsettling to others. Yet, that leads to a suppression of ourselves that eventually leads to a destruction of ourselves and profound unhappiness. I think people confuse the idea of happiness. Other people don’t make us happy, but we can be happy with others. Happiness blooms from within our own flawed selves. Knowing what makes us tick is the epitome of being happy. 

One problem with taking that time, is that by the time I get out of the haze, half of September is gone, the next half is spent worrying over our full October calendar. Also the realization that I won’t really be leaving the sadness of August behind anyway, that sadness follows you like a hungry puppy. I don’t spend all my time being sad, but the reality is that being sad is a constant since that day my son died. In October there is a birthday, an anniversary, and Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. Let’s not forget the kid favorite Halloween, in the 5 years since my son died I am sometimes so under that I forget to ask the older kids what they want to be until it is almost too late. I have to sell my right arm for the costume they really want because it has been locally sold out since September. Then I have to pick over the left over candy that no one even likes because I didn’t buy the good stuff for the trick-or-treaters in time! See, I don’t always have this parenting thing down. Keeping all those balls in the air feels heartbreaking sometimes and heartbreak is heavy! This year, I am happy to announce that I didn’t have to search Internet hell looking for that elusive costume because I actually came out of the haze in time to keep the Halloween ball up in the air! I take my successes where they come.

So, no August posts, no September posts but I am determined to get back to one of the few things that bring peace to the voices telling me despondent things about myself. Peace is a highly sought after commodity in my world. I hope you have missed my voice, even if you didn’t, I hope you will stop by again and see what new thing might be happening.

I have been in the dark of sadness and memories, I want to be back in the sunlight with the rest of the world. To that end, I look forward to sharing some words to bring myself a little sunlight and maybe you too. Join me whenever you can.