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| Working on crossing the midline of his brain while playing ball |
My son works really hard to master simple things that come naturally to most of us. He doesn’t always get my epically wicked sarcasm or jokes or remember to do things we all do daily. His difficulties make him anxious and that anxiety makes him lash out physically in an attempt to control a world that often feels alien to him. Since we started this diagnostic path when he was 3, he has come a long way. Many people like to say that I and my husband have done such a great job, but that isn’t true. I may search for the therapists and doctors and school curriculum, but he does all the heavy lifting. I remember feeling unlike others as a child too, I mean exactly why was what they found fun so boring to me? I can only imagine this feeling is multiplied infinitely for him in trying to navigate a world that tells him he is too different, he must change, he is weird and strange and makes way too much noise for the other civilized people. Every time he gets up, he has to try and remember what he is supposed to do while his brain is thinking about a thousand other things, he has to find the right combination of shirt, shorts, and socks that not only do this strange thing his parents call ‘matching’ they must also not have any large seams or tags or just feel too itchy to wear. He then surrounds himself in items he has specially chosen that makes him feel strong and hidden simultaneously. The oversized jacket, shades and scarf effectively shield him from a world he barely understands.
He also has a huge heart that wants to be friends with everyone and never understands why someone he just met at the monkey bars doesn’t want to play with him or calls him “weird” and kicks him when he just wants to run around and have fun together. You may think this is an extreme example, I assure it just happened a few days ago, to my 9 year old who just wants us all to have free video games and play well together. He is scary intelligent and often solves problems by saying “there is no spoon” (See The Matrix for this reference). He shocks me often with his thoughts and ideas. I have always wanted him to reach his potential and be happy. I work tirelessly learning new techniques and therapies to help him learn what comes instinctively to most of us. It isn’t always fun, I often feel alone and beaten up and so far beyond my depth of understanding that I am doing more harm than good. But I get up everyday and try again, because I am giving him the best I possibly can, in the same way my family gave me all they could to improve and enhance my life.
He is in therapy 3 hours a week in order to help him meet your expectations in social situations and to improve his small motor skills, writing, and short term memory. I often watch him in therapy and prayerfully thank God for the ability to help him. Not all families have an easy time getting the help they need of their kids, not medically or emotionally. They can’t get insurance coverage or their area doesn’t have any supportive help available. Our hometown world is full of help, we have insurance coverage, and are surrounded by people who love him and support us. I pray that all who need help in whatever their journey is, they will still be able to get it as our government wrestles with the enormous responsibility of deciding who and how to help. No man gets ahead alone and may we all remember that.
My son works hard at therapy, at school, even at play and maybe I need to remember the work he accomplishes in addition to many deserves to be recognized and rewarded. I love you son, just the way you are, keep being caring and weird because you just wouldn’t be as much fun if you were different!