Category: nostalgia

A Letter to My 25-Year-Old Self

As I look back over the almosts 20 years since that magical year I turned 25, I shudder a bit. I thought my life was meaningless, and I realize now, that I was more clueless than anything. So, I want to write down the things I would tell my 25 year old self.

What I would say…

Dearest Janshea,

When you look back at this time 20 years from now, I know you will be amazed at all the ways you have succeeded. Yes, there have been some missteps. Quite a few to be honest, but it won’t compare to the joy on the other side.

As you reach the magical age of 25, your mind tells you that because you are unhappy, you have failed. You have had a bad breakup, dislike your job, and feel stuck. Little girl Janshea had a master plan of being married by this point, blissfully planning her perfect family. Well, see that previous sentence about the bad breakup, yeah that wasn’t happening any time soon. Younger you also planned to have a great job she enjoyed along with the financial security that comes from saving and spending wisely. Now she has no idea what went wrong as none of those things can be checked off the list.

Getting rid of whatever doesn’t work!
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Throw away the “they”!

I am here to say don’t fret, don’t spend the year moping around because someone somewhere told you that you had to have your life tied up in a big red bow by this time. Who are these infamous “they” we always base our opinions on anyway? Let me tell you, “they” don’t have any clue about what makes you tick or how to get to your happy place. You have more growing to do before you are ready for life. That growth is essential. Not because of the future husband, family, or job, but because of the future Janshea. Not much is more important than being comfortable in your own skin and being okay with showing that person to the world.

Part of that knowing includes finding work that you don’t hate and getting a better plan on taking care of your money. Listen, I know everyone (“they”) says you have to find work you are passionate about. And it is great if you know your passion or you just stumble upon it while walking down the street and then get paid to do it. So, instead find a job you do well, with people you can get along with. It will still feel good to go to work and you can continue to look for your passion. Don’t forget to get money help! Can’t stress this one enough. Managing money doesn’t come easy to everyone, so just find someone to help you take care of yours.

What about that family?

Your master plans included a husband and plans for children. Umm, what gave you the idea this was a good idea? There is nothing wrong with wanting a family, what needs to be updated is your idea of when that should happen. Because let me tell you, you don’t have your mind in the right place for this particular dream. Hold on, keep working on yourself, and it will come. You know you are whispering “If you build it, they will come” in your head! Anyway, as clichéd as it sounds, just wait, just keep being you. You will grow into a better version of you and she will be awesome! Don’t rush the process.

Now for the kicker…

No, that is not me… but you get it. The unknown is coming!
Image by Omar Medina Films from Pixabay

Life is going to get unbelievably harder! I know you can’t imagine such a thing because a disappointing and unsuccessful 25 years is the pinnacle of your thoughts. Not to spoil it all by giving you worries before they are due, but I do want you to know you need a relationship with God and a strong network of people who love you. I don’t think there is any reason to start worrying you about specifics, because there is no changing things. But I can say, a strong faith, strong spouse, and rockstar friends are going to hold you up in some dark hours. You will not be alone, you will come through as a survivor. When you do, you get to share your wisdom, then comfort others and that’s a good feeling.

I know you feel overwhelmed, disappointed, listless, and even a bit angry. Let yourself feel everything, then pick yourself up and go about doing the work. The work to be your better self, the work to get you out of a dead-end space, the work needed to get you here. I stand here 20 years later shaking my head at how you think things are over. But I also stand here awed at your will to survive.

In love,

Janshea, 20+ years later

Vacation Fatigue

Have you ever heard of the term ‘I need a vacation from my vacation’? If you haven’t, it is when you take a vacation and do so many things that when you get back to your obligations, you are exhausted! Vacation should be a time of rejuvenation, even if you are exploring new things. For me, vacations almost always include my kids and therefore it is much like being home, but in a different setting. There are sibling squabbles and cries of hunger. The inevitable scrapes and bruises, and the ever-present need to keep some semblance of our regular schedule, especially so we can sleep. That last one probably doesn’t apply to many, I know many kids who handle change and flexibility well. My kids do not. AT. All. So, yeah, I went away on a lovely vacation and now that we are back and thrust immediately into camps, friends, and a need to unpack; I need some alone time to recoup my senses. Not going to happen soon, unfortunately, so I just use the times between and after activities to sit and just be. You know, when they let me, because spending time with friends isn’t enough and once home, you still want to interact with me!

What I have learned, is not to over schedule  our summers anymore. I am sure this need to schedule comes from a weird place many of us seem to have these days, that our kids will be ruined and forget their names if we don’t schedule every moment of their summer with the right balance of fun and learning. The super great, Bunmi Laditan, of  The Honest Toddler recently wrote that “I think this generation of parents is the first one to believe they need to create good memories for their kids via structured activities forgetting that childhood, when safe and watered, is intrinsically fun.” She goes on in this cool thread about how she feels the comparison heavy world of social media leads us to feel we must one up the other parents with how many fun activities we can do with our own kids. That last sentence is me paraphrasing and adding my own emphasis to Ms. Laditan’s words. For sure click on the above link to read it yourself, there is more good stuff there. Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming. I think she has a good point. Not everything good for kids in the past is good for them now. And, I really hate the adage ‘my parents did this thing and I turned out fine.’ So this isn’t that either. But, I had some structured events during the summer, but mostly it was me going outside and finding something to do. Often friends were around, sometimes not. Sometimes this hanging out outside happened at a friend’s house. Either way, my summers felt fun. I remember the time with happiness and when it was time to go back to school and write the inevitable ‘what did you do this summer’ paper, I was rested and ready, emotionally too, to go back. All that to back up why I no longer schedule all the fun into our summers. The first time I did this, I was a frazzled, stressed out mess. Even before the new school year started, I wanted out from under them so I could rest! The kids seemed keyed up too, and I’m not sure if they felt they had even had a break from school when it was all done. I don’t want to feel like that again, so I changed the way I did things.

This summer, we are doing what has been pretty successful the last few years. The kids have 2-3 scheduled events like camp or vacation and otherwise we just go where the mood strikes on a daily basis. Sometimes that is the beach, or a friend’s house, the park, or the library. Dare I say, we even just hang out at home sometimes. And my highly scientific research tells me that we are all happier because of it. We had to jump right into some of those scheduled plans when we returned from vacation which has a lot to do with me feeling like I still need rest. I usually can just hang around and get that vacation from my vacation, not so this time. But, I roll better with it now and my kids are learning to do the same.

Summer Fun, Are You Having Any?


So here we are, while there is still a month until the calendar says summer has arrived, here in Central Florida the 75 days of summer break have arrived. I love those posts about how those of us who came of age in the bygone era of the ’70s and ’80s spent copious amounts of unscheduled and unsupervised time outside. They talk about how we made up our own games, rode our bikes, walked the neighborhoods looking for our friends, and drank from water hoses. We went away to sleep away camp and returned with crafted pot holders, camp fire stories and tales of the horror of being on kitchen duty. Did your summers as a child look like this? With some exceptions, many of mine did, and while I wish for similar experiences for my own children, I’m sure I am forgetting all kinds of problems and only thinking of the fun of freedom from schedules!

As a result of recognizing the overwhelming pattern of scheduling and over scheduling our lives in this day and age, I have spent the last few summers making sure there are limited amounts of must do items and lots of time for what do you feel like items. I would love to send the kids outside to make their own fun, but my kids make this difficult. One has developed an aversion to the sun (“It’s toooooooo hoooooot” he says) and the other has an aversion to being alone (“I want you to watch meeeee” she says)! What happened? When did they start to think I was in charge of their fun? It is all my fault and I am working to break the bad habit. Go entertain yourself, go find you own fun! So, I work on a here are things you can do, go do them and we will be accomplishing this scheduled item type of summer. The other thing I throw in are small school items to keep their growing brains from atrophy. The school items don’t always go over well, but hey, what kind of parent would I be if I didn’t upset the little darlings every once in a while?

So, think of us as we try to live peaceably over the 70 days of togetherness we have left. Let me know what kinds of activities you will be enjoying this summer.