January 2019 In Review

It has been three long months since last we interacted, and I must say, I missed everyone. I missed sharing what I was up to, what my kids were doing, what I was reading. Really, everything. So, I am starting the year with a review of the month. Here is my January 2019 in review.

What Happened?

Three months is a long time to be away and I must say it was pretty stressful. The last few months of 2018 was a very stressful period for me. My son started a new school program in the afternoons. It was not going well. The stress of his attitude and behavior and struggle to adapt sparked a long bout of depression and anxiety. The whole situation felt like a blanket of concrete blocks I couldn’t remove. It took over my life, to the exclusion of all the things I like to do for myself. Then the anxiety of not updating the blog, or working on my book led to even more inaction. So, how did I move on from what happened?

New Year, New Start

As 2018 was coming to a close, I was able to set up some ideas for improving my son’s school situation. There was more of my own interests. This was my therapists idea. Every day should include one thing for me. This activity would have nothing to do with my kids or my spouse. It was a bit daunting to think of. It was like one more thing on my to-do list that would never get done. Yet, as I did it anyway, it was freeing not confining. Even if all I did was practice lettering, it was a moment of quiet in my mind. It lead to quiet in my heart and a more peaceful self. My interactions didn’t feel burdensome. I didn’t want to bite everyone’s head off because of the stress about everything. I planned to make 2019 a new year of a fresh, new start.

Okay, now what?

Well, we all know that many (most) of us search for a new start to a new year. There are all types of information on making resolutions, not making resolutions, how to start a new you! That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind though. I really wanted to just keep the momentum of doing small things for myself. The feeling of happiness it gave me, helped in all the corners of my life. Things still went wrong, things were forgotten, kids were still testing boundaries. But, the difference was now, I finally had that mindfulness to not be negatively affected. I even saw myself reacting with less volatility when exasperated and angry. So, now I want to keep that feeling and pull it out whenever I find myself getting lost in the stress of the day.

How is that working?

Best laid plans and all that is probably what you are thinking. A bit, but a lot less than I imagined. My writing is slowly getting back on track, hence the end of the month post. But, I am sticking to plans that check off small steps to the big finale. On the other hand, my goals page in my bullet journal is still waiting on me to finish it!

Lovely spread, but no goals set!

I am going to take all progress as good, so I say it is working. How is your new year shaping up? Do you make resolutions, are you sticking to your plans as we head into February? Help keep me accountable, I will look out for your success too.


Review-Archangel’s Viper

Hey there! It has been a moment, but I just wanted to drop in with a quick review of the latest Guild Hunter novel, Archangel’s Viper. Archangel’s Viper is the 10th installment in Nalini Singh’s Guild Hunter series. This is not the latest book, because I am behind in the series.

The Series

Image result for guild hunter pictures

The Guild Hunter series is a paranormal world much like ours. Archangels are the pinnacle here. They are mostly beautiful and always deadly as they oversee other immortals and the humans. The Guild Hunters are those whose job it is to hunt down rogue vampires who break the contracts they have with these archangels.

The StoryArchangel's Viper (A Guild Hunter Novel) by [Singh, Nalini]

Venom is one of the elite guard of the archangel of New York, Raphael. Seven of the best vampires and angels are a part of the guard. They have pledged allegiance to Raphael out of honor and a belief in his way of doing things. In this world filled with angels and vampires, Venom is unique. His eyes are like snakes and poison is in his fangs (he’s a vampire). Holly was once kidnapped by a crazed archangel who butchered her friends and left something of himself inside her. She has spent years learning how to live with her personal tragedy and how to control and use her new abilities. She is small and fast and her fangs carry poison too. Holly’s education is led by Venom and they have been like oil and water from the beginning.

Now Holly has come into her own and is also working for Raphael, when Venom returns from a few years abroad and stumbles right into a plot to kidnap her. During the search for the person behind the bounty on her head, Venom realizes that Holly is changing even more and something about it isn’t quite right. Holly is desperately trying to keep him from learning about the malevolent voice in her head. But they don’t yet realize the two are connected. The search brings them closer and they can no longer deny the chemistry they have. Since Venom is aloof and intimidating, while Holly is witty and combative, they have a hard time agreeing on anything. Even the chemistry may not be enough.

The Last Stand

The two find themselves having to breach another archangel’s home in order to save Holly. The cost may still be too high, for she and the voice inside can no longer co-exist. As the cost becomes clearer, Holly and Venom finally give in to the romance they feel. They are hoping the wait wasn’t too long. The epic battle for her life and the continued existence of their world comes to a dramatic conclusion sure to appease the romantics and the adrenaline junkies.

Where To Go

If this book sounds exciting, you can read more about Nalini Singh and her stories by clicking here. You can find the book here. Let me know if you have ever read her work, or if you decide to give her a try.

3 Books of My Late Summer Reading To-Do List

Have you been reading this summer? I spend a lot of time reading, a host of genres. Really anything that captures my attention I will try. I even have that terrible feeling of guilt to finish books I don’t really like. So, I generally have a never-ending books to read list that grows daily as I find more interesting stories I want to give a try. This summer I meant to catch up on some books I had on my list from earlier in the year and read one parenting book in regards to my 2e children. Well, like many of you probably, summer was a blur of fun, pools, beaches, camps, and video games. While the kids did all of that, I found myself gravitating to quick and fun reads with tons of HEAs. So, I didn’t get to some of those books I originally planned on, but I read other great stories, so it isn’t a bust! Now, as we have only a few weeks before back to school here in Central Florida, I am re-committing to finishing these three books.

  1. Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi – this book has had a lot of great buzz. Many writers I enjoy following made me aware of Ms. Adeyemi before the publication in February. Then I saw the viral video of her unpacking her first box of bound books and I knew I wanted to be a part of her expansive love of words. This fantasy tells the story of one girl’s journey to reintroduce magic to her world along with fighting the ruling monarchy. Grand new world with interesting characters and qualities, check. There are wonderful takes on mythology, religion, and culture, so sign me up to be immersed in this newly imagined world where a girl is fighting to save us all. And, it is now a summer read on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show, which is awesome exposure for the author. This is a must read on my list and I can’t wait to jump into Orïsha through the pages of this novel.
  2. Cedric The Demonic Knight by Valerie Willis – in the vein of transparency, I personally know Ms. Willis but haven’t read her work before. This is the first in the Cedric Series and was published a few years ago. Here we get to go on another adventure into a fantasy world built with folklore, myths, and history from the 12th century. It is filled with beasts and demons, where Cedric battles himself in an epic choice quest. I always find it fascinating the many ways writers use and interpret folklore and myth. I am excited to finally read this fantasy world.
  3. The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. – as you know through many of my posts, I have twice exceptional (2e) kids and sometimes that means things don’t go so smoothly. One of the psychiatrists in our lives suggested I read this book to better equip myself and our family with understanding behaviors, identifying triggers, and solving problems in a proactive manner. I have read the first couple of chapters and I see us in almost every paragraph. So, I look forward to reading this popular parenting guide that has been useful to so many others and recommended by those we entrust with our physical and mental health.

Now that I have this goal, I’m planning to finish by September 30th. Stay tuned to see if I can do it.

The Cost of Hanging Out

I have a medical condition called Fibromyalgia. Not much is known about this condition which causes widespread pain in your soft tissue and joints. It is also a diagnosis of last resort. What that means is, many other conditions have been tested for and discarded. What is absolutely does not mean, is that Fibromyalgia is not real. It takes years of research and a measurable number of complaints to name a condition, even if many have been living with the symptoms all their lives. Not having a name for something doesn’t wipe it from existence.

The most common symptom list that I think covers them well is the one found on WebMD. No, I don’t nor do I recommend, diagnosing yourself on a website, but it does have good information to supplement all the info you didn’t catch when your doctor diagnosed you. So, back to that symptom list. It includes:

  • Muscle pain, burning, twitching, or tightness
  • Low pain threshold or specific tender points
  • Draining fatigue
  • Trouble concentrating and remembering, called “fibro fog”
  • Insomnia or not sleeping well
  • Feeling nervous, worried, or depressed

Lucky me, I have all of those. I have had them for almost as long as I can remember, but a definitive diagnosis was years in the making.  One of the many things I have had to adjust, even more the older I get, is how active I can be. My active list isn’t limited to exercising, which is what people tend to think of when you use the word “active”. My list includes household chores, numerous errands, exercise, field trips, and hanging out with friends. All of these things can inadvertently send me to bed for days or more. That is where I find myself today.

Yesterday, family friends had a small gathering at their home, it included the whole family. Since this was also a fireworks viewing party, it involved standing outside watching the kids set off personal displays and walking down the block to view the city’s fireworks display in celebration of America’s Independence Day. Today, I can barely function. My whole body is a flaming, open sore and I know that nothing much will be done by me. I have a lot of guilt about the times I am experiencing extreme pain and can’t push through my day. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but many people with chronic illness suffer from depression and anxiety and guilt. I feel bad that the cost of three hours of a low-key house party has me curled up in bed wishing for strong pain relief. I also wish I had some magic answer here. I don’t, me and many others, have to live this life daily. We constantly battle the want to do things with how it may affect us and what we absolutely need to do.

I am learning to manage saying no when I am already low on spoons. You can read about the famous spoon analogy here. It is the equivalent of having a low emotional or physical bucket from which to pull. I also am working on balancing having fun and what it may cost me. Now to work on the guilt of being chronically ill and I may just come to grips with my limitations yet.

 

Look Out For Impulsivity in Mental Illness

It is hard to put yourself and your struggle out in the world. For me, when I write a post that is personal, it is in the hope that my current reality will reach and help someone. It is also cathartic. So, in that vein, this post is about the struggle of impulsivity on our family.

Impulsivity is associated with a number of diagnoses, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and anxiety, all of which my son has. It is like a perfect storm of impulsivity in his little body. Impulsivity is characterized as acting on a whim, with little to no forethought, or consideration of the consequences. Now imagine that you have what I like to term as an overdeveloped emotional quotient. I envision this as being heavily influenced by the constant ebb and flow of other people’s emotions and your own. For example, your friend is having a day where they really need space, some down time and don’t really want to hang out or talk. You can’t understand this temporary change of normal interaction you have with your friend. This leads you to be upset, to question whether or not this friend likes you anymore, to dissect their interaction with everyone else and casting yourself in a bad light. Since this is happening in your head, you can’t focus on your work, or your other friends, and you become angry and unable to exhibit expected or required reactions to anything else. Your entire emotional health has been upended by a perceived emotion of this friend. So, you have been influenced by your friend’s emotions and your emotions have become explosive as a result. Think of it as not only being sad by someone else’s misfortune, but devastated and you feel out of control and unable to think through the consequences of your choices. Now imagine you are a prepubescent child with this added struggle. Do you see the recipe for constant upheaval? I do, but recently I realized that this overdeveloped emotional quotient can enhance the impulsivity towards the negative.

Often, the inability to control impulses is characterized by lying in our house. The unknown consequence of truth-telling when you know it confesses wrong doing is debilitating and therefore you lie hoping no one catches it. This lying then becomes the idea that your family can’t possible love or like you because you can’t get it right. Every time you mess up even the smallest bit, your mind tells you that you are a terrible and unlovable person. This is when impulsivity may lead to harmful actions. But you don’t recognize that harmful acts mean you are physically injured.You act without thought that running into the street can lead to pain, you act without thinking that hitting yourself can be damaging, you can believe that not being around is better than being terrible. But you don’t realize that not being here is permanent. We must recognize that these thoughts and actions may be indicative of depression also. Depression is not only an immense sadness, it is sometimes the inability to process emotions and thoughts which leads to dangerous impulses. Many medications used to treat symptoms exhibited by those with ASD, ADHD, and anxiety may cause depression. You now have a diagnosis that increases lack of impulse control and are given medications that may lead to depression. Recently we had the misfortune of learning how destructive this intersection of impulsivity and depression can be. My son was incredibly upset by emotions of others at school, then struggled to make good decisions and choices, which then led to him impulsively exhibiting self harmful actions. Our response has been swift in hopes of helping him understand that even when you don’t want to harm yourself, taking actions that could lead to harm can easily turn into being harmed. That being harmed is permanent, that our lives aren’t movies or television where the hurt and damage isn’t real. He is constantly battling the emotional part of his brain trying to take over and he barely knows what that means.

I continue to learn that we have a long way to go to understand what mental illness can look like in children. There is a great need to research how we can help our children when mental illness is present with other illnesses of the brain. But, I still have to go figure out, with the professionals, how to treat this adolescent depression and keep my son safe. I fumble with the words to reassure him that emotions are a fact but our reaction to them is ever evolving and in our control. I try to help him understand that he can review his day and recognize where he might be influenced by negativity in someone else. This is a hard thing when awareness of others and self is still an emerging skill. But, he has always been a hard worker, so I am encouraged that he will put his tenacity to work here.

This Mental Health Awareness month, I hope that you are educated on how impulsivity and mental illness can coexist, that you can love and support someone who struggles with this, that you can see someone you love in here and seek help. I hope that we continue the conversation, the education, and the support so that no one is left to languish in the convergence of impulsivity and mental illness.

Tips From A Writer’s Conference

So, I was privileged to attend a local writer’s conference. There were a number of workshops available for the writer on a range of topics from pen names to using firearms in stories. I attended four workshops that gave me some good ideas that I plan to incorporate into my burgeoning habit of daily writing. You might get something from these too, so I am sharing.

Many writers practice the craft under a pen name. There are many reasons and instances where a pen name might be used. You might work in an environment that can not be associated with your stories, or you write more than one genre and want them to be separated, or you are so afraid of the microscope under which writers find themselves you don’t want to use your real name. Whatever the case, in trying to find the perfect pen name there are a couple of things you should consider. First, Google the prospective name before committing to it. Finding out your pen name also belongs to a convicted killer after you have been published is quite the let down. So, run your moniker through the Google machine to ensure it doesn’t belong to a killer, or another well-known author. Another thought would be to consider the logistics of the name. In this age, your name must not only fit well on a traditional book cover but also be viewable on the thumbnails associated with e-books and internet marketing. Now, if you are really prolific, you might have more than one pen name under which you produce work. Keeping the two or more personas separate are important. You should endeavor to give each name equal time in your writing and marketing. Schedules would be life savers in this instance. They would also be a great help in keeping which voice you are writing in and where you are sharing content. In sharing content across social media platforms, remember that each name should have a presence and each should share relevant content on a regular basis.

Another concern that goes along with the idea of marketing yourself on social media is the branding of yourself. It sounds conceited, almost. Many struggle with the idea of tooting your own horn, so to speak, but there will be no success without people to read your work! When branding yourself, remember that a brand evokes an emotional response when you see the name or picture. You want people to see your name and think, “I remember them from that article, I think I will check out their book!” Cool, right. We all dream of our words reaching the masses. To help in this, make sure you have a website or blog where you can provide value in your area of interest. Maybe you want to bring awareness to a specific issue, or educate about a situation. With a blog you can write about your interests and share it to provide value to the reader. (A bit like I am doing here, well, a lot like I am doing here) With a blog, you can use it as a gateway to your social media presence. When using multiple social platforms, you will reach different people who then visit your site and learn more about you. You also get to interact with readers and virtually meet people interested in what you have to say. If you have an opt-in for visitors, you can offer exclusive content through newsletters that enhances their experience with you.

Plots are huge, sometimes bulky items. Every story needs one and as such, the workshop on plotting your story was heavily attended. Lots of us want to work on improving our process and stories. If you are a writer who has been around other writers, or spent a lot of time reading writing blogs, you have heard about the typical three types of writing processes. They are the Pantser, the Plotter, and the Plantser. Pantsers are those of us who have an idea but often no idea how of how it will play out in the book. Often you hear pantsers listen to the voices of their characters and let them lead. Some will tell you this is not a process at all, but anything you do in order to get your story written is a process. Pantsers have ideas, usually a summary of the book and spend time perfecting plot points in their revision. Many plotters have a very defined process and often start months in advance of actual writing to envision the story fully. They know the beginning, middle, and end of their story arcs and have copious information on the world their characters inhabit. I have always dreamed of elaborate flow charts of how people are connected with each other, the main plot with its subplots. I feel they must look so awesome and feel very safe. Too bad I haven’t gotten the hang of that just yet.  This often leads to the hybrid process of the Plantser. These writers do a bit of plotting, but only a few chapters or scenes at a time that go with their story while also being flexible to the voice of the characters leading the story in different directions. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is only one right way to write. There are as many processes and routines as there are authors, and as long as you write, then the process works for you. When talking about plot, it is good to figure out who is driving the story (character), what story will be told about them, and what is going to shake them up and move the story along. You want to give a hand at a set up which helps define your character even if you don’t use every single item of information. Knowing their life story, background, who will come against them and what the journey will be in the story is very helpful in getting started. Then you have the reaction, where your character has to react to the events that prompt the journey . Here the action, obstacles, and stakes increase for the character. You show more of the conflict that has arisen. Don’t forget the attack, where the fight for the completion of the journey takes place. The character is in danger of losing something, not finishing a task. Something major comes to a head and there is a crossroads for the character to step up or lose out. Get into the head of your character, treat them like you treat your closest friend. Think of all the things you know about this friend, their lives, their dreams. Now transfer this same knowledge to your character so that you know what they will do in a situation and can share that in your writing.

The last workshop I attended that day was on productive planning. All about how to make sure you plan for your writing and can fit it in to your life, because most of us are not able to write full-time just yet. But, I am sure those who do need to plan their days as well. We don’t write in a vacuum after all. In figuring out a planning strategy for yourself, you must remember that it is okay to get it wrong. Your first try may not work well for you or as you might have envisioned it. Just try again, it is worth it if it can help you complete the important items of your life. You want to start by assigning importance to your tasks for the day. An easy way to understand what this means, is to use the Eisenhower Matrix which assigns numbers to your to-do list. There are important but not urgent items, important and urgent ones, not important and not urgent items, and finally, not important but urgent. Then you prioritize with important and urgent items done first, not important but urgent items are delegated, not important and not urgent items are severely limited and you spend the bulk of your time on the important but not urgent things. For many writers, our writing falls under that last one where you spend the bulk of your time. Then you can try out different planning systems to help you keep all of that in check and allows you to make a plan for each day based on those important tasks. There are a lot of systems designed to keep us all, not just writers, organized, on task, and completing work. There are journals and visual boards, there are ways to break up large tasks into smaller steps and goals to complete. Maybe you check off everyday on your calendar when you do a certain thing, or sit down every morning and write things out. These things help us get the massive amount of stuff in our heads, out and that helps us figure out what is important and urgent. People use analog systems (pen and paper) in the form of planners and journals, or they like the digital world and use one of the many productivity software and apps. Maybe a mix of the two works best for you. Either way, figuring out what you need to do, then planning time to do it helps keep your productivity not only high, but focused on the important things.

As I said, these ideas are not mine, I learned these nuggets of wisdom from the many writers speaking at the conference. They included Kiernan Kelly, Vivi Barnes, Christina Farley, Lucienne Diver, Amy Christine Parker, Racquel Henry, Erik Deckers, and Leslie Salas. Go check them out, you might find a great read for yourself.

Are you currently using any of these ideas? Maybe you have an entirely different way of doing things. Share them with me and I will be sure to update on if I incorporated any of these and how they worked for me. Let’s see if we can’t all be better writers.

Books I’m Looking Forward to this January

So, I think we all know I love to read at this point. I have done numerous posts about some of the books and characters I enjoy. Now that it is a new year, I don’t want to talk about resolutions, so let’s talk about a few books I am looking forward to this January as I reset my goals and habits.

J.R. Ward – Blood Fury, releases January 9, 2018. This much-anticipated third installment in the Black Dagger Legacy series actually becomes available on the day of this writing. I stumbled upon the Black Dagger Brotherhood series years ago and was enthralled from the first. This series deals with a race of vampires just trying to live their lives steeped in their antiquated caste system while keeping their identity safe from humans. The Brotherhood is an elite group of warriors led by a king who doesn’t want the throne and tasked with keeping the worse of their society policed as the community is broiled in politics and plots that don’t care about remaining secret. Great world building, great action, and love too! The Legacy series is a spinoff/followup to the Brotherhood that deals with the training of the next generation of warriors. Blood Fury is the story of Peyton and Novo, an unlikely duo of warriors, both out to prove themselves.

Christine Feehan – Judgement Road, releases January 23, 2018. Christine Feehan is prolific and her worlds are full of vampires, shapeshifters, magic users, and those with extrasensory abilities. I have reviewed her writing here on the blog before. This book is the first in a new series called Torpedo Ink. It takes place close to Sea Haven, a town used in both her Drake Sisters and Sisters of the Heart series. There are motorcycles and trained killers, secrets, and love. I look forward to learning a whole new world of these men and women and how they are going to overcome circumstances the rest of us would run from.

Susan Mallery – Sisters Like Us, releases January 23, 2018. Susan Mallery writes great contemporary romances with the sort of real world feeling that makes you feel it could be you and your friends in similar situations. This new book revolves around sisters who appear to be opposites but are grappling with similar problems involving kids and their mother. I have a sister and we often feel dissimilar even though we love each other fiercely, but we have certainly felt even closer with adding kids to the mix and with the hi-jinx of our aging parents. I feel this story is one I will relate to in a fun way.

J.D. Robb – Dark In Death, releases January 30, 2018. J.D. Robb is the pseudonym of Nora Roberts and the vastly different books she rights under the two names has always fascinated me. Robb writes a close futuristic crime thrillers featuring the bitingly literal Eve Dallas and the people who inhabit her life as a police lieutenant in New York. These circle includes her mysterious husband Roarke, a thief turned billionaire business guru. This marks the 46th book in the series and most of the joy, for me, comes from Eve’s confusion over everyday sayings and items along with her keen mind for crime and seeing her dragged kicking and screaming into friendships. In this installment Eve is trying to find a killer employing scenes from an author’s stories. It sounds similar, but I am sure it will be fun anyway!

Ronen Bergman – Rise and Kill First: The Secret History of Israel’s Targeted Assassinations, releases January 30, 2018. I have never read a Ronen Bergman book, but the title and premise of this one caught my attention. I love the fictional Israeli Mossad agent, Gabriel Allon, written by Daniel Silva. I have reviewed him on the blog, here. So, this real account of how Israel’s Mossad agents use something I have only read about in fiction sounded like my kind of book. I look forward to reading it.

Personal Advent Season

For the past six years, I have been marking each year in remembrance of the day my son died, while learning to dread the anniversary of his due date all the more. Thanks to Facebook’s “On This Day” function, each December 14 I am reminded of all the love and support as the due date dawned without even the chance of his arrival. My mom friends rallied to give words of love and thoughts of me as this date shared heavily among expectant parents, arrived while he had already arrived four months earlier to say goodbye.

It took about two years before the reality of the due date coming with no baby really set in. Frankly, it was a lovely gesture that so many remembered a date spoken of fleetingly, months later, especially after the sudden horror of his being born still. Yet those first years after his death, I was almost wholly transfixed with the date of his death. I dreaded it, I loved it, I celebrated it, I wanted to hide from it. August 11 came each year and I felt dragged back into those frightful hours as we waited for him to be born still. Gradually I experienced the gift of God’s peace on Hardison’s death. Of help in feeling this peace, was discussing the continued preaching of Paul and others after being persecuted in the early years after Christ’s resurrection. One thing covered in the discussion was the idea of not focusing on the persecution, but the perseverance. By keeping our focus on God, we can stay the course by virtue of His love. When we are focused on the persecution (struggle, opposition, tragedy) it is much easier to become angry, disillusioned, and to give up. God’s love is shown in the understanding of our turmoil because Jesus Christ experienced the struggle of human life, in part to aid us during our times of need. I took these known ideas to heart more than ever and eased some of the flailing of my soul that I felt upon Hardison’s death. Even so, I met August 11 with pain long before the date showed up on the calendar every year. Somehow, despite my best efforts it still loomed large. Understandable, I know, yet December 14 would sneak up on me and then strike me down based on friends’ remembrance. Then, this year, I learned to appreciate the coming reminder of his due date all because I made a connection between it and the Christian celebration of Advent.

The Christian advent has come to be all about anticipating the second coming of the messiah. Christians wait for Christ to return and fulfill the promise of His eternal kingdom. Each year during the four Sundays leading up to Christmas, a time which has come to represent the birth of Christ, we look back at His coming and forward to His coming again. Even when not speaking in the Christian sense, advent can be defined as “the arrival of a notable  person, thing, or event.”  While reading a devotional taken from Bo Stern’s When Holidays Hurt, this statement took on a whole new meaning. Ms. Stern says “One of the reasons Jesus came to dwell with us – and is coming again – is to wipe away every tear.” Did your lightbulb go off too, based on your own circumstance or what you have read of mine? The bells were ringing like the sound when you get an answer right on a game show and the lightbulb illuminated. I could look upon the advent of Harrison’s due date as a reminder of the love and joy we were anticipating with the advent of a new member to our family. The way Christians look forward to the second advent of Christ, a member of our eternal family. I will still be heart sore and sad as December 14 arrives, but I can also view it as a personal advent season, a reminder every year of what Hardison means to this family. No longer do I only have to be reminded of when and how we lost his physical presence. I don’t have to be bombarded with sadness once the memory reminders start showing up on Facebook, I can reach back to the happy shock the date originally stood for.

These thoughts on personal advent seasons are not only useful due to the loss of a child. Most loss, sadness, and pain, can be brightened by the idea of the remembrance of the excitement of arrival. It may be you will look forward to the coming of justice, of peace, of love. But look forward in anticipation, not just back in sorrow.

Parenting Through The Hurricane

I am back and running after a week of preparations, moving targets, and no power after Hurricane Irma came through. I feel blessed to have come through with our family intact, along with our home. As we continue the clean up efforts, I want to talk about parenting through hurricanes, or any storm. Particularly, parenting exceptional children of differing abilities. In my family, the differing ability we struggle the most with during storms is anxiety.

Anxiety is often thought to be the exclusive purview of adults. It is also portrayed as a person who is afraid to go places or to start things. I’ve learned that anxiety can look like anger through actions and words. It can inhibit sleep, and yes, just plain make you worried about the smallest chance of something going wrong or being different in your well-ordered world. For anxiety sufferers, storms might be right at the top of the list of things they never want to encounter. That is because storms are inherently unpredictable and bring more unknowns than they feel comfortable with.

We have spent years helping our children embrace who they are, including the anxiety. With that, comes lots of plans on how to calm our bodies and redirect our thoughts to what is more likely to happen, not what seems to be the worst scenario. With storms, we try to follow a plan of action meant to minimize their fears and keep them participating in life, rather than focused on the storm. The plan includes being truthful and direct, talks about what we will do in different outcomes, and reminders of past success of making it through storms. That is for the kids. For the parents, the plan is a lot looser. Parent Plan for the Hurricane is a lot less regimented and designed to help us not go crazy trying to manage the fears of the anxious ones. Remember though, it is hard to help anyone with fears that don’t always look like fear and leads them to act out, regress, and spend a bunch of time destroying things in their attempt to control their environment. So the parent plan includes adult beverages and laughter. The adult beverages help the laughter, which keeps everyone calmer.

As Irma made its way towards our state, leaving death and destruction in its wake and on the heels of the devastation in Houston, all parenting had to be done with laughter and love. My kids were scared and extremely concerned about everyone in the path of the hurricane as well as those affected in Houston. Parenting through this time requires patience and dedication. And really, I am a little skeptical that parenting and patience actually go together anyway! Irma caused a lot of damage, yet we were minimally impacted. We will spend time cleaning our home and helping our neighbors to show them how we come back from bad things. I hope it helps, because, hope is all we have. No one knows how well we are helping them, they can barely articulate their own feelings. I also don’t know how well we handle the patient part after the millionth questioning on the same topic. But we try, when we screw up, we talk about how it isn’t easy for adults either. We all just have to keep at it. And then we do that, keep at it. This week we won while parenting through the hurricane. I pray you get some parenting wins this week too.